


Letters on Sabbatical

by InspiredScribbler



Category: Berena - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: Bernie Wolfe - Freeform, Elinor dies, F/F, Serena on Sabbatical, berena - Freeform, i hope so, keep the faith, love is love, love letters from afar, radio silence till now, serena campbell - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-10-31 19:25:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10905873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InspiredScribbler/pseuds/InspiredScribbler
Summary: Letters/Notes during Serena's sabbatical.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Serena writes to Bernie after a couple of months of radio silence

Dear my beautiful Berenice,

Dare I even call you mine now, when I've been so distant for so long. I miss you everyday, in all I do. Theres so much I failed to say but now with distance I can't stop it from falling. 

The moment I wake up and reach out for you in this wide open bed, and find nothing but cold space, it's probably what I deserve when I pushed you away for so long. 

The moment I pour two cups of coffee from the expresso machine even though you have never stood in the kitchen with me, your presence has followed me somehow, and that is a comfort I don't deserve. But I reach for it anyways! 

The moment, many of them throughout the day when I turn to tell you something and realise you are not there. I wish I had know how much you had become a part of me before I ran. 

The moment I pour two glasses of shiraz expecting to hand one to my love, only to realise I no longer have a taste for the grape without you there to hold my hand. 

The moment I bathe in the spell of your soap, the smell I bought in bulk to settle my fearful heart at the very start, the spell that brings me home but yet makes me feel more and more alone. 

The moment I remember your touch on each part of my skin, the touch that gave me life and made me feel so alive. 

The moment those thoughts create a warmth, I try to quench, thinking of you yet determined it somehow shouldn't now be allowed. 

The moment it hits, I know I cant run, your name spilling freely from my lips into the room as I cum. 

The moment the tears fall, and I remember the harm I have done, the walls I built and the shattering guilt. 

Oh Bernie, how I long to be at one, with the love of my life, you are the only one. 

Always yours, i'f you'll have me 

Serena xxx


	2. A responce from Bernie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bernie's responce.

Bernie puts the letter down on her bed, and scrolls through her draft text folder - 41 days of unsent texts 239 in total. Before opening a new message to reply to Serena.

 

_**14 May 2017 @ 21:23** _

_**From: Bernie Wolfe** _

_**To: Serena Campbell** _

 

My Serena, I spent all day pacing around with your letter unopened, scared it would tell me something I could not bare, that the hope would be gone.

 

In all the emotion of our last day together, nothing I said was a lie. There is nothing you can do that will change how I feel about you. I love you and want to be in your future, if you have space for me. I miss you my love, more than I can say. One day when your ready I will show you how much.

 

Always yours with love for as long as you'll have me.

 

Your Berenice xxx

 

P.s. I notice there was no return address on your letter, I gather you aren't quite ready to begin frequent dialogue yet. Know I am here, ready when you are. X

 


	3. Serena sends another letter...

Bernie had no immediate response to her text. Not that she expected one, not really. She wondered if Serena had changed her number. Worried at first, but reasoned she wouldn't have, not with Jason. They had briefly agreed that Bernie would keep her eye on Jason and in an emergency she would contact Serena, but on then. She however had broken that rule to respond to Serena's message. She hoped that Serena would forgive her for that. But she knew now Serena still wanted her, still needed her and Bernie would wait as long as it took to be reunited with her love.

About a week later, Bernie noticed the tell tale scribe of Serena's curvaceous handwriting in the pile of letters on her desk. Her breath caught in her thought as she picked the envelop up. Bringing it to her face she could smell Serena's perfume. Bernie breathed in the scent, smiled before picking her hoodie up and heading towards the roof. Once settled on the metal steps, hoodie snuggly wrapped around her, she gentle opened the envelop and brought out the sheet of paper inside.

> _Bernie my love,_
> 
> _My heart leaped when my phone buzzed, and your name flashed on my screen. I am forever thankful you haven't closed the door on our love. There is so much I need to share with you, but you are correct in your thinking, that I'm not ready to be found yet. I cant bare for you to see me yet. Im still too broken and sharp. Please accept my whole heart when I say, you will be the first one who knows where I am, when I am ready to be found._
> 
> _I walked for miles by a river yesterday and crying and thinking of Elinor and the life I let fall apart around me. I have been doing this same walk again and again over the last month, hoping I can escape the pain, tiring my body out, willing it to sleep in the darkness of the night._
> 
> _But this time when I reached the waterfall, I stood there for hours, thinking about life, all of it and for the first time in forever, I thought of something that wasn't painful. I thought about us, and the journey we went on as we found each other. The strength our undeniable sexual chemistry after our first kiss like the strength of the water as it falls of the edge. It cascades over the edge, its unstoppable, thats how I felt in those early days, thats how I feel now, that the spark, the rush between us isn't stopping, even miles and miles away that rush of falling in love is still there. I know my dearest darling that it has been muffled by grief, clouded by the pain that I've caused you. Please know I am eternally sorry drowning in the fog, and dragging you there too. But for once I remembered and was happy. I remembered the looks, the touches and the small acts of kindness that showed your love for me as a person and the desire to be equals._
> 
> _I think I am ready, I am moving on with my journey. I tired of being angry at the world for the loss of Ellie. I need to start to being to allow myself to heal._
> 
> _Last night I slept well, with no sleeping tablets or wine to ease the hurt. I fell asleep remembering happy times and when I woke this morning, my head filled with you, my body ready for your touch, I did not feel guilt. As I traced my curves remembering you in my dreams, I gave into the passion for what my body was built. I cried your name over and over again, willing your presence to be there in the flesh. Although I have know right, Bernie I want to ask. Is there passion left for me in your mind? Do you think of me as often as I of you?_
> 
> _Id like to keep writing to you whilst I'm gone if you allow._
> 
> _As always my dearest love._   
>  _Miss & love you more than you know._   
>  _Forever yours_   
>  _Serena x_


	4. Bernie responds...

Bernie spends the evening unashamedly thing of Serena, first as she makes her dinner and drinks a glass or shiraz. Then again whilst she takes a steaming hot bath, even making the effort to light a few candles and uses some of the rose scented bubble bath she had purchased after seeing it in Serena's ensuite so often when she stayed over. She stays in their longer than she should but shes comforted by the memories the smell brings to mind. If she shuts her eyes she can almost imagine she is in Serena's. She wants so badly to have her body, hot and silky pressed against her. She rereads the letter once she is underneath the duvet, not bothering to dress after the bath, relaxed and relieved under the weight of the duvet. She reads it again and again, picturing her love as she paints in her letter. Bernie takes a moment and smells Serena’s scent again and again. Its then she lets her own hand wander brushing all the areas Serena would have. She is slow and steady as she lets her short nails journey from her wet hair on down to her core. When she cums it’s muted in tone, but no less powerful than if it had been the vascular surgeons fingers within her. She is almost surprised when as she drags her wet fingers back up her body that the heat is returning... she hasn't allowed herself this pleasure since about a week after Serena had gone. She’d found it to painful and dirty to think of a love she wasn't allowed access to. But tonight she felt lighter and she wanted to be engulfed by heat, so she allowed herself the time to return to her core. As she came again, she whimpered, whispering Serena over and over again. Her free hand continued to hold the letter tight in her grip. A single tear escaped and trailed down her cheek. But she felt love, as distant as it was she felt it. She knew it! Serena was her one!

She glanced over at the clock. 22:54. She wondered briefly if it was too late to text Serena, worried that she may have known what she had been doing. But she shook herself for overthinking and grabbed her phone. 

21 May 2017 @ 23:13

From: Bernie Wolfe 

To: Serena Campbell

Serena, my darling lover, my darling beautiful partner, you never need to question my devotion. I love you and plan to continue to love you for as long as you’ll have me. It is wonderful to hear you have managed to get a good nights sleep and I really hope you have managed so more restful nights since you sent your letter. I think about you all the time, in fact often you are all I think about. All I want to think about. I miss everything about sharing our life together. I miss your voice, your beauty, your mind and your touch. 

Tonight I ran a bath with that rose scented bubble bath you like. Small confession I bought it after you left to remind me of home. Home is you Serena, you are my home. I lit a few candles and for the first time since you left I let my body and mind relax. I thought of you and how much I love you. I read your letter over and over, and remembered how you touched me. I followed that path. I climaxed Serena for the first time since we’ve been apart. Your letter held close to my heart. 

Do please keep writing, it’s like air to my lungs. 

Yours always  
Bernie. Xx


	5. Serena begins to let Bernie in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and kudos so far, its much appreciated.

Serena’s phone beeps on the bedside table. She glances at the screen, sees Bernie’s name and picks up her reading glasses and starts to read. She has to use all her will power not to hit reply, she knows deep down she just isn't quite ready for a conversation with Bernie and shes worried that if she replies, Bernie might respond instantly or worse actually phone her. 

Realistically Bernie would never cross that line unless Serena made it clear she was ready for that. But Serena doesn't know that, how could she. So she does the next best thing and rolls over in bed, cocooned almost entirely in the burgundy covered duvet and reaches for the pad of writing paper and her fountain pen... 

Darling Berenice,   
my big macho army medic, 

How I want so desperately to hit reply to your text. But I'm still scared, I'm not ready for the too-ing and throw-ing of an actual text conversation as much as I want it. Or maybe I'm worried I wont be able to stop at that and i’ll want to hear your voice. And if i hear your voice I know i’ll come back sooner than Im really ready. 

I’m so glad you are still seeing me as your partner, its wonderful to hear. I worried that I had pushed you to far before I left and I'm so glad that there is still an us to hope for. Bernie I want to keep hearing from you and Im ready for you to know where I am. 

You are always in my thoughts. As much love as I can give. 

Yours  
Serena x


End file.
